The Perils of Mother's Day

Mother’s Day is coming. I know this because newspaper ads are beginning to show up like Spring daffodils. My children have, in the past, given me cards with sweet and extremely gratifying messages written on them about how they appreciate and love me. I was impressed; I was touched; I was brought as close to tears as I get.  I didn't think a Mother's Day could be better.  Yester, however, I learned that there is another way to celebrate.  It may be less origional and a whole lot shallower, but there must be a market for it out there somewhere.


Yesterday’s New York Times ran a jeweler’s ad on page two of Section A. This is what it says:

Better than Flowers

[picture of a beautiful ring here]

For Mother’s Day

4.32 ct. emerald cut diamond

Set in a handmade platinum mounting with 1.06 trapezoid side diamonds.

$56,000. 

Yes, you read that correctly: $56,000.

Now, let’s begin with the first line. Better than Flowers. I mean, is it? $56,000 divided by 365 equals a $153 (plus change) bouquet for EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR. You would enjoy each bouquet for MORE than a day because, even at their worst, cut flowers last four days. So after the first week or so, you’d have two or three or maybe even four $153 (plus change) bouquets around your house. You want to round down to $140 per bouquet to account for tax and delivery? That’s still some power-house flowers. Would you wear the ring every day? I daresay not. Not if you live an ordinary, busy person’s life. The ring would not be suitable for, say, gardening or playing Play-Doh with small children or doing the laundry. Flowers, though, well it won’t hurt their beauty if you put the 4th day bouquet in the laundry room.

Now what if you’re not an ordinary person? What if you’re a really, really, REALLY rich person? What II mean to say is, what if your children were really, really, REALLY rich people – ‘cause they’re the ones wasting the money on this bauble. I would far rather get a $3.00 card and, okay, kids, splurge on a rose and then see them donate $51,000 to one of the charities I support rather than see so much money spent on one, frivolous piece of jewelry. Perhaps you’ve heard (well, how could you miss it) that charities are no longer getting government support and, um, well the economy isn’t what it used to be so they’re receiving fewer private donations as well. A donation of $55,995 (I’ve deducted for the card and the rose) would be a welcomed boost to one of them. It would be a a welcomed boost if it were divided between two or three of them.

Rather than a rediculous ring, I would prefer see Pazooza and The Boy invest $51,000 for the Perfect Grandchildren’s education. I would rather see them spend it on a magnificent family trip that we’d all enjoy, say a trip around the world, which our entire family could happily do on $51,000. I would rather see them spend it on furniture for their homes or paying down their mortgages.

I guess there are people out there so wealthy that $56,000 seems like a reasonable amount to spend on a Mother’s Day present. But if my kids did it (and I’m not worried about this), I would stand speechless with my jaw dropped to my knees. And not in a good way.